There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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