I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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