The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.