im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
