my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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