Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
