i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
