Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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