do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
