capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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