I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
