We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
