The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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