My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
