i wish peter jackson would direct porn
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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