I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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