and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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