You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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