ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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