Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
