Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think i have two assholes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Houston, we have a blender
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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