sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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