Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
