I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
