I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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