I want to walk on stilts...naked
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
