why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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