Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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