I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
