I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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