I'm drive I can fine osifer
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
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I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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