I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
