My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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