I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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