Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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