**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize