she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
