Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
