Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
