I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
