and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The uberlube is also flammable
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
