He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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