Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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