you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
