dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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