She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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