Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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