you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
