i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
