So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
