So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
