My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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