Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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