Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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