The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
