me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
