She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You ate ashes out of my bong
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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