Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize