Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
