1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
