I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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