Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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