we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
