a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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