there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
