I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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