I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
