We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
