and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
