i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
