I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
