dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
