That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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