Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
