I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
