she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
