a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
